Breast feeding is out of the question for me but this is not something that bothers me. It was a topic discussed before my surgery and as I have said before, in the grand scheme of things being around and healthy to attempt to battle motherhood was more important for me. Breastless vs motherless for my future child/children was an easy choice for me.
However, that does not mean I have gone through these past 5 months without having a boob related thought. The symptom cycle of pregnancy is a weird one, you want them but you don’t. You want to experience the feeling of pregnancy and the symptoms are almost like a mental marker that things are ok. However, once you’ve had the 6th...7th... 8th dash to the bathroom to vomit that day, the mental marker is not so pleasant and wanted. I did miss not being able to feel changes in my boobs. It is one of the earliest symptoms, so they say. So when you are desperately waiting to find out if you’re pregnant, a sore boob would be welcome! Those mental markers (pregnancy symptoms) that everything was ok and plodding along well were important for me. The pregnancy journey is not always an easy one and ours has been no different. Like many, you try, you fail, you succeed and then it’s not meant to be, therefore signs of it going well and progressing were something I was hypersensitive to. This was a time I did wish a sore booby, a little niggle or a bruising bosom is something I could have.
Several months on, another aspect I have become wary of is my body shape... but not the bump. The bump, growing at what feels like lightening speed is expected. Everyone knows when they get pregnant they will get their bump. Obviously there is always the question of what direction will you expand, all forwards to have a cute refined bump or just ALL directions?! The more the bump grows the more obvious it is that my boobs are not growing too. To me, I look out of proportion and that is something that is only going to get worse. Don’t misunderstand, I wouldn’t change the situation at all. I by no means regret my surgery in anyway, it’s just something I’ve noticed and very self conscious about. The big bump is topped with two teeny tiny bumps.... like two raisins on top of an orange!
Solution... get over it I suppose (and return to embracing the padded bra! It’s not the end of the world, in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter! But sometimes it’s good to acknowledge how you feel and with all the extra hormones whizzing around, the feelings are no doubt exacerbated!
A look back to week 21. The padded bra in full force!
At week 16 when balance was more achievable!